MIRIAM IN HOSPITAL FOR ANOREXIA

The staff of Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago confirmed that she was taken Sunday to Heart Center for anorexia, but said she expects to be back in the Senate by Monday, September 25.

Santiago is sponsor of the Biofuels Act, now in the process of amendment.

She is also author of a resolution to probe the alleged armed takeover of the Poro Point seaport in La Union, which has been assigned for public hearing to the Senate committee on labor under Sen. Jinggoy Estrada.

Santiago is hospitalized for anorexia or inability to eat, which caused her to drop 20 pounds in the last two months.

Her team of doctors are lead by longtime family physician and cardiologist Dr. Esperanza Cabral, now DSWD secretary; kidney specialist Dr. Agnes Mejia; and gastrointestinal specialist Dr. Joy Nicolas.

She was placed on intravenous dextrose feeding, and ran through a series of tests, including ECG, x-ray, ultrasound, and 2D Echo. She is scheduled for endoscopy at PGH, using a new machine that the senator herself donated a few months ago. Finally, she will undergo CT scan.

She was admitted at Heart Center with a low blood pressure of 90/60, and airport observers saw her wheeled out of the plane looking very wan and pale.

However, in typical Miriam fashion, although she refused to grant media interviews because of physical weakness, she released the following Miriams New Medical Lexicon:

State Visit Whirlwind global tour of world politics, in the company of a President, powered by alkaline batteries, leading to anorexia or some other life-threatening disease.

Anorexia Inability to eat the palatable, leading to the skill of swallowing the unpalatable, such as gastroscopic tube or similar loathsome instrument of the medical profession.

Effects of Anorexia Sudden loss of weight and energy, capable of turning a curvy Botticelli Madonna into a sticklike Uma Thurman, with a consequent loss of meaning in life and politics, and an inordinate interest in the state of non-being.

Dextrose Liquid food inserted directly into the bloodstream, to replace the gallons of blood taken at periodic intervals out of the body by trained vampires in white, for alleged laboratory examination. The vampires are unidentifiable, because they wear masks.

Creation Theology The anorexic philosophy that God is still engaged in the process of creation, which explains why the problem of evil is still unsolved, and why God has no time to feed the hungry or cure the sick.